Sex Work Should be Safer
Just watched an incredibly powerful TEDX as Juno Mac makes a case for the decriminalization of sex work.
In just under 18 minutes, she nailed it! Well done and worth the share.
Category Archives: Sex Rant
Caught With Your Pants Down
Flare Magazine…you have been caught with your pants down and I like it.
While waiting to see my hairstylist, I spotted your February, 2016 edition of Flare Magazine boldly advertising “The LOVE & SEX ISSUE”. Out of bored curiosity, I flipped to page 84 expecting to find typical stories like “What to buy your lover for Valentine’s”, or “How to turn up the heat this Valentine’s with chocolate, satin sheets and erotic massage”.
Instead, you had your eyes wide open covering 50 shades of SEX with stories about pegging (girls with strap-ons doing boys), cock and ball torture, and “Diary of a Poly Girl – a week in the life of my three-way relationship”.
One of your readers, soon to be ex I’m guessing, commented on your “pegging perversion” citing “Again, disgusting material. I bet he goes gay after he finds out how good pegging feels…”. Well Melanie, if you don’t like it, don’t read it? And if you prefer to limit your intimate encounters to strictly bedroom basics then I say…whatever floats your boat. But for those of us that wish to move beyond the missionary, what gives you the right to judge?
Flare Magazine, I applaud you for having the courage to publish articles on sexuality that most are too uncomfortable to talk about. Proof that we are entering an era of acceptance and tolerance where piano legs no longer need to be covered, we can serve chicken legs to our dinner guests and yes, women do actually like sex.
Thank you flare magazine!
And to my readers…please support Flare Magazine’s style by reading some of these articles…
Diary of a Polyamorous Relationship
Six Women Confess Their Secret Kinks
Sex in the 21st Century
How is it that in the 21st century, we can put a man on the moon, we have a black president, we can grow human organs from stem cells, and gay marriage is legal in some states, but we still can’t wrap our heads around sex?
When it comes to the topic of sex, we’re like lambs to the slaughter. We do and say what we’re programmed by society to do; just as our predecessors did in the Victorian Era. Imagine…
During the 19th century, it was believed that discharging semen could shorten your life.
It was considered indelicate to offer a lady a “leg of chicken” for fear that you would give over to your urges and pounce over the dinner table to copulate – obscene!
Table and piano legs were to be covered so as not to invoke sexual urges.
Parents went to great lengths to protect the health of their sons by fitting them with locked penis cages and other devices that made erections too painful to endure.
William Hammond, U.S. Surgeon General, said that nine tenths of the time decent women had no pleasure from intercourse.
And God forbid you have sex for pleasure! Based on the highly influential workings of Kraft-Ebing (publisher of “Psychopathia Sexualis”), sex for pleasure that does not induce pregnancy is a perversion of biology and God’s will. (rape good…masturbation bad).
Today, these ideals seem absurd, unbelievable, and perhaps even as mythical as the theory that “the world is flat”.
But in the 19th century, scientific fact was not available to support these ideas. Instead, they were shaped by the popular opinions of scholars, doctors, psychologists, religious leaders and other influencers and society embraced them unwaveringly.
“When the society says it’s good to have sex then it’s psychologically sick not to, and when the society says it’s bad to have sex then it’s psychologically sick to [have sex]. William A. Henkin
150 years may have passed, and although our ideals have changed, our thought process is still the same – when it comes to sex, we still judge, we still fear, we still feel guilt and we are still driven by societal norms based on opinions of modern day influencers.
Sadly, we are still repressed.
Maybe one day, we will receive all the scientific proof that we need to support the concept that “sex is good” just as “the world is round”.
And only then, “society” will transform into free thinking individuals that can explore sex safely, not judge and have fun without guilt!
Ignorance is Bliss?
I have a friend who is single. She just happens to have genital herpes which can make dating a tad more complicated. Last week, she met a match on a well known dating website. After making an online connection, but before heading out on her first date, she very politely let him know that she is herpes positive so that he could make an informed decision before things got too out of hand.
I would like to hope that most would take the opportunity to get educated, or simply bow out gracefully. But this particular “Jack” exploded and called her every name in the book from slut to whore to everything in between. When I heard about his simple minded response, I was disgusted.
It’s no wonder that so many people are ashamed to talk about and deal with this issue. It’s no wonder that so many choose to simply ignore their situation and continue to contribute to the spread of herpes. It’s a wonder that my friend doesn’t just keep her mouth shut and take her chances in the future.
My friend should be commended! She is incredibly brave and is blazing the trail in open sexual communication. Herpes is one of many STIs out there and people need to talk about the facts in order to stop the spread of this disease and others like it.
Facts about Herpes
• At least one in four Americans will contract an STD at some point in their lives.
• One in five Americans has genital herpes (at least 80% are not aware they have it)
• Many people who have genital herpes are unaware that they have the virus because they have no symptoms, mild symptoms, or mistake the symptoms for other conditions such as jock itch, yeast infections, razor burn or allergic reactions to detergents.
• Genital herpes can be transmitted during vaginal, anal or oral sex even if the infected person has no open sores or any other symptoms of infection.
• Condom use reduces the risk of getting genital herpes and other STIs. However, when using a condom, remember that the exposed areas of skin are still unprotected. To prevent spread of the virus during oral sex use a condom on the penis and a condom cut lengthwise or a dental dam over the female genital area
I don’t know why I continue to be surprised at how ignorant and judgmental people can be when it comes to sexuality and sexual health. Stop judging and get educated. When it comes to sex, ignorance is only bliss until that morning you wake up with open sores on your naughty bits.
And for those of you living with STDs, there is still hope of finding your match. Check out positive singles – The best, largest, completely anonymous and most trusted personals network for STD singles and friends in the world. (More than blog worthy)
You’re not alone!
The past three months have been a whirlwind of activity. Hubby and I have been absolutely buried working on the renovation of our new 8000 square foot events centre. And now that I actually have a millisecond to breath, I wanted to take a moment to share a few points I learned along the way about surviving renovations in relationships…
- Everything you hear about couples and renovations is TRUE! (Now multiply that by one hundred and you just might have a sense of what it’s like to renovate 8000 square feet with your partner instead of just the kitchen or bathroom in your home. (Let’s just say that Hubby and I spent a few months in renovation hell!!)
- No matter how strong your relationship is, there will be times that you will yell, throw things, cry, question your sanity, question your partner’s sanity and perhaps even consider throwing in the towel and just walking away. but you have to resist the urge and remember that when your partner yells at you in frustration (assuming it’s out of character), don’t take it personally. In fact, consider giving each other permission…and no, that’s not a typo. One of the smartest decisions we made during this project was to allow each other to yell, cry, scream and even throw a temper tantrum at each other as much as necessary during this project (kind of like a renovation hall pass). Now normally, I would not typically promote this type of behaviour, but extreme times call for extreme measures. And sometimes, you just need to throw the hoity toity “let’s all sit down over tea and talk nicely about how we feel” crap out the window. But, there is a catch. First you need to talk about the intensity of the current situation and ASK your partner permission. And secondly, you need to agree that once the project is over and the pressure is off, you’ll spend twice as much time reminding your partner of all the things you love and appreciate about them so they know the relationship is still rock solid!
- Things are so much easier when just one person leads. This doesn’t mean that one of you has to give up complete creative authority. It simply means that you should consider assigning ownership over specific tasks and decisions. Once critical tasks are assigned, do not step on toes. You must trust your partner to do the right thing, even if you know that sometimes they’ll do the wrong thing.
- Accept the fact that you will BOTH make mistakes and avoid continually pointing out your partner’s shortcomings as this will only make things worse. Your partner will appreciate it so much more if you simply show them love and support every step of the way. Honestly, does it really matter if they put the screw in the wrong hole. It can all be fixed so lighten up already.
- In the last three weeks before the soft opening, we barely had time to eat, sleep or even give each other a kiss in passing. We were bickering about everything. In all honesty, it was probably the most trying time in our relationship. But despite all that, we always found ways to pick each other up. Each time I hit a really low point I would tell Hubby and he would always dig deep to find the strength to pick me up and carry me for awhile. When Hubby was at his lowest point he let me know and I somehow managed to find the strength to carry him. The key was letting each other know when we hit rock bottom. Although working with your partner on a critical project poses some unique challenges, it also comes with the amazing benefit of having them right there by your side motivating you and cheering you on when you feel like you just can’t move forward any longer.
So, the moral of the story is that once again, communication prevails as the number one cure for relationship woes. If you’re under a lot of stress, ask your partner for permission to act in a way that is out of character for just a while to help you through the rough patches. But then remember when it’s all over, put in twice as much effort showering them with love and affection. In any loving relationship, your partner will understand and is there for you during the good times and the bad. Just one more way to make sure your relationship remains ROCK SOLID!
Taboo?…not really!
This January, I had the pleasure of attending and exhibiting at the eighth annual “Taboo Naughty but Nice Sex Show” hosted in Vancouver by Canwest Shows. For many of the exhibitors, the show was touted as a huge success. According to the show organizers, this year’s show was the biggest ever and boasted attendance by over 45,000 Vancouverites.
This was my fourth year exhibiting at Taboo, and although my own booth was pandemonium, I did manage to squeeze in a bit of time on Sunday to do some investigative work. My goal…to boldly go where no woman has gone before. To find a shiny new treasure for my tickle trunk. To secure something that would really make me go ohhhhhh.
And so, I began combing the aisles booth by booth filled with vibrators, glass toys, lingerie, sexy shoes…seen it all before. Tattoos, piercings, lifestyle resorts, dungeon, sex furniture and restraints…been there, done that. Hot tubs, towels, make-up, microdermabrasion…why are they at the sex show anyway? And finally ended my search with an exhibit where I could superimpose a picture of my head in over top of dancing cowboys….sigh.
And so I ended my search without finding a single “ooooooh” in the show. But if not for the “shock factor”, why then did 45,000 Vancouverites go to the naughtiest show in Canada?
For the next hour, I made use of my “media” power and interviewed unsuspecting attendees to find out what was so “Taboo” at Taboo. I was hopeful at first. I expected to get some fun and shocked reactions to some of my more explicit questions, but alas there was nothing that really stood out. In fact, the thing that wowwed me the most at the naughtiest show in Canada was how thoroughly “unwowwable” we (the general population) are when it comes to sex. (just writing that sends shivers down my spine)
Thanks to the media, the internet and of course the sexual revolution, even the general population is tough to wow when it comes to sex. So why then do 45000 people still walk through the doors Canada’s naughtiest trade show?
It’s about the EXPERIENCE. For only $20 you get hours of entertainment that includes burlesque dancing, pole dancing, beer garden, dungeon play, free seminars by some great educators (including yours truly…couldn’t resist the plug), a plethora of sexy eye candy, some great deals, and of course a massive one stop shopping opportunity to refill your tickle trunk with all the things you wore out over the last year and all the things that you’ve been fantasizing about trying this year.
So next year, don’t miss out on the Taboo Naughty but Nice Sex show. It may not be shocking, but it is definitely a fun and economical way to spend the day with your lover, or your friends.
For more details on next year’s show coming November, 2009, visit the Canwest Shows website.
Men Genuinely Care…
According to the Great Canadian Male Sex Survey, 93% of men feel that it’s important that their partners have an orgasm during sex. But why then do 25% of women routinely fake an orgasm? And why is it that only 57% of Canadian women routinely have an orgasm during sex (source: Chatelaine Sex Survey)? Could it be that for some reason, women are still reluctant to tell their partners what they want? Is it possible that old stereotypes still rule?
When I was growing up, it was cool for the guys to talk about sex and their “sexual conquests”. Guys went out to the bar with the explicit goal of “gettin’ some” by the end of the night. In contrast, if the girls talked about it, we were labeled as sluts or promiscuous. And if we were the “one night” stand at the bar we were certainly “not the marrying type”.
Ladies, it’s time to throw those old stereotypes out the window and take control of your sex lives! If you’re in a relationship, it’s ok to talk about sex. Men are not mind readers. Start talking about sex with your partner, not the gals at the sex toy party (who can’t do a damn thing about it). If your partner is like 93% of Canadian men, then he wants to know and he wants you to feel pleasure.
But alas, talking about sex is a sensitive subject that needs to be explored with decorum and panache. Becoming sexually empowered does not mean storming in and venting about all the things “he did wrong” in the sack. You need to “wipe the slate clean” and get ready to embark on a sexual adventure. You’ll have far better results focusing on the positive…tell your man what really turns you on…right down to the very last naughty detail.
Be vocal in bed. If you like what he’s doing, make sexy sounds or whisper in his ear “how good it feels”. And if he still doesn’t quite “hit the spot” then show him. And if you can’t show him because don’t know what works for you, then you need to engage in a little self self pleasure…Oh yes ladies…I said it…the dreaded “M” word! Because if you don’t know what turns you on, how is he supposed to figure it out! If you’ve done enough self exploration, you’ll have no problem communicating your desires.
And men, you’re not completely absolved of responsibility here…to take things to the next level, you need to clean the slate too. Throw the ego out the window and get ready for a wild ride. It’s possible that your partner has been harboring a few sexy fantasies that might just surprise you. To keep things moving in the right direction, you need to be open minded and non-defensive. Contrary to popular belief, we don’t expect you to know everything about sex. We just need to know you’re listening. Top that off with sexy words of encouragement and a few compliments (to help us get over our “body image” hang-ups) , and we’ll turn into sex kittens with an insatiable sexual appetite…and before you know it, your sex life will be topping the charts.
To Pierce or not to Pierce
To pierce or not to pierce…that is the question. Every so often, I hit a bit of a milestone in my sensual journey. I’ve been exposed to many things, but surprisingly, the concept of piercing my naughty bits has never actually crossed my mind…until now.
As of late, I’ve found myself noticing our lovely members showcasing very sexy body piercings…dangly, sparkly, basic barbells, colors, glow in the dark, charms, attachments and more. They just seem so fun and pretty, and with all the options available, they’re the ultimate form of bling. Plus, you can even wear them to the office hidden discreetly under your corporate suit serving as a titillating reminder of the naughty side of life. 
But as sexy as they seem, I have so many questions and concerns before taking the plunge. So, I thought I would engage in a bit of good old fashioned reporting to get answers to some of my most “piercing” questions…
If you’ve pierced your naughty bits in the past, your feedback on the experience would be monumental. And if you haven’t…why not? And what do you think of piercing on your partner???
Enquiring minds (including mine) want to know…share your voice. You never know, you may even start a new trend.
Here are a few questions I have to get the discussion started:
- Will it hurt?
- How long does it take to heal?
- What do you think of piercings on your partner’s naughty bits, “Hot”, “Not, or “do they just get in the way”?
- Does a pierced {blankety blank} actually make sex more fun or intensify the sensation?
- Nipples, clit, tongue? So many options…What are the pros and cons of each?
- And while we’re at it,this discussion isn’t just one sided… it can’t hurt to get some feedback on male piercings too (you never know…maybe we can convince Adam to get one :-p ).
Next week, I’ll be sharing feedback from some of the industry professionals…and then, depending on my research…maybe I’ll even go “under the gun” and will take you all along for the virtual ride.
Thanks for joining me on this journey of discovery on “to pierce or not to pierce”.
Eve
Please share your feedback by replying to this blog.
The Secret to Awakening your Sexual Goddess
Ladies, if you’ve ever experienced difficulty in achieving orgasm or being present during sex, or want to take control over your sexual energy, experience stronger orgasms, or be multi-orgasmic, read on as I’m about to share what I learned during a recent seminar on Tantric Sexuality…
Last Friday night, I had the pleasure of joining Maryse Cote – Tantric Sexuality Expert for her seminar on Awakening the Sexual Goddess. Maryse has been studying the art of Tantra for over 25 years and began her training under Osho in India.
When it was time to start the seminar, there were 14 ladies present and all were anxious to learn Maryse’s Secret to Awakening the Sexual Goddess and experiencing mind blowing orgasms. What I first noticed about Maryse was how calming she was. She seemed completely relaxed and at ease, ready to share her gift and now I’m hoping to share a little bit about what I learned with you.
I find that most of the women that I meet in my life are what I call professional jugglers. Many of them have successful careers, have young children, are responsible for much of the household financing and day to day tasks. Women are multi-taskers by nature and as a result have many thoughts going through our minds at any given time. We’re thinking about what bills need to be paid, when to pick up the kids from school, what to make for dinner, what to wear to an upcoming dinner party, how to make time to clean out the closet that’s overflowing with clutter, fitting in our regularly scheduled work-outs, soccer practice, fund-raising and the list goes on. As a result, we often struggle to turn off our pressure cooker of a brain and just take time to be present in the moment.
Unfortunately, this even rings true during our most intimate moments. There we are in the middle of an intimate encounter with our lover, all of a sudden, our minds wander off and before you know it, we’re putting together the grocery list in our heads. To our lover, we may look like we’re having the time of our lives. We’re going through all the motions, we’re making sexy sounds and doing all the things that one might expect us to do during intercourse. But we’re not really present. And it’s for this reason that many women are not able to truly tap into our sexual energy and experience mind-blowing orgasms.
According to Maryse, the Secret to Awakening your sexual goddess isn’t so secret after all. It involves being present and taking control of your sexual energies – which is a very empowering place to be. Now this may sound simple, but how do you achieve this?
According to Maryse, there are three key practices that can help us become more present and awaken our goddess:
1. Connect the breath
2. Pelvic movement
3. Strengthen Muscles
Breathing naturally with full longer breaths into the abdomen (not the chest) can help us to connect with our body, emotions and sexual energy. This type of breath can unlock energy blockages and cause us to focus while making love. Consciously focusing on our breath will help to stop all our other “multi-tasking” thoughts from interrupting the moment. To practice this breathing technique, focus on releasing your abdomen muscles while you inhale, and squeezing your abdomen while you exhale.
As you practice, you may notice that it creates a pelvic movement that is remotely similar to the pelvic movement you experience while making love. This is called the pelvic pump and allows the whole spine to move. As you continue with this motion, you are circulating the energy through what is called the orgasmic circuit.
And finally,focus on strengthening your PC muscles (kegel exercises) and anal muscles by isolating, squeezing and releasing. As you squeeze, breath into the abdomen and inhale as you release. Strengthening these muscles will enable you to take more control over the flow of sexual energy.
Now for some, this may seem a little “new agey”, but at the end of the seminar, we all watched Maryse as she found a comfortable spot on her yoga matte on the floor and was able to bring herself to mind-blowing orgasm in under three minutes, without ever touching her “naughty bits”. So if you’ve ever experienced difficulty in achieving orgasm or being present during sex, or if you want to take control over your sexual energy, experience stronger orgasms, or be multi-orgasmic, after seeing Maryse’s seminar, I’m a true believer that these techniques can work.
I can also share that a few years ago, I was practicing some Tantric sexuality techniques and reached a point where I could achieve orgasm without physical touch. Watching Maryse’s seminar reminded me that I need to reconnect with my sexual energies and focus on being more present. I am blessed with having an amazing sex life currently, but there is always room for personal growth and sexual empowerment.
So, starting the very next morning, I decided to make a conscious effort on connecting my breath to achieve more intense full body orgasms. I stayed present during the experience for a while and it was a wonderful reminder of how great it does feel to be present, but admittedly, and much to my chagrin, I lost focus for a short while as my mind drifted to what I was going to write in this article…sigh! Well, that just goes to show how important it is to make the conscious effort to be present and remember to focus on the breath, but it alas, it looks like I still need a little more practice.
If you would like more information on Tantric Sexuallity Techniques and how they can help you achieve mind-blowing orgasms, be sure to visit Maryse’s website at www.sacredsexsecrets.com. Or check out www.tantra.com.
Hot New Sex Toy/Furniture Update
Well, I promised to get some answers from the manufacturer regarding the price and thought I would share the response (below). We were really impressed by the thoughtful feedback provided and have since decided to offer this product for sale on our Eden Intimates website. Don’t forget, Eden members get 10% off retail every day so you’ll get $150 off this purchase. 
Email us for details if you’re not sure how to redeem the discount. You can find the Monkey Rocker Tango available for purchase here. Enjoy!
Here’s the response from the manufacturer:
“Dear Eve:
Thanks for expressing your concern.
When I was developing the original Monkey Rocker idea, it was clear that if the basic idea worked well, there
would probably be at least a couple of useful and desirable variations on the idea that could be added to the
line at some point. After offering the original design for 3 plus years, with excellent feedback, we thought the time
was finally right to create a variation or two to help fill out the product line and strengthen the Monkey Rocker brand.
The small batch nature of our current production, with fabrication and assembly of each machine being very time
consuming, means that at wholesale prices, there is not much left in the way of profit until we build demand to the
point we can shift to a more mass-produced method.
We conceived the Tango as a way to offer more possible erotic play options, especially to couples of all types, and
anchor the luxury end of the product line, with an emphasis on versatility and possible profitability even with limited
quantity production. We envisioned the Tango as a much more exclusive, desirable (to certain couples), product
that would command a premium price due to it’s added value and exclusivity.
The Tango is more expensive to manufacture, of course. Perhaps more so than might be apparent at first glance.
The most expensive and time consuming parts of the “Classic” Monkey Rocker are the handle and thrust arm assembly
and the cushions. You’ll notice that the Tango uses twice as many handle and thrust arm assemblies, so that particular
large portion of the cost is double for the Tango.
The Tango cushions are considerably larger, using the same expensive, cross-linked foam and premium vinyl for the
upholstery, but requiring quite a bit more of it. Fabricating and upholstering them (entirely by hand) is not quite twice
as time consuming, but nearly so.
I’ve explained all that to help you understand why we’ve put the prices where they are.
For many people, even the “Classic” Monkey Rocker is considered “expensive”, and the Tango even more so, especially if people think of them as mere sex toys. Certainly, neither qualifies as an impulse purchase, but compared to many products that people willingly pay at least as much for, they are not over-priced. For example, in the sex machine category,which they sort of fit in – though both are very different from others in the category, as you know – their retail prices come out somewhere in the middle. Even at $1500, the Tango is not particularly expensive by sex machine standards.
Compared to some other life luxuries, both of our machines are a standout value. For example, jewelry, which actually ‘does’ nothing, is FAR more expensive, yet many couples (I’m guessing especially among your clients) wouldn’t consider spending $1500 for a mere ring very extravagant. The potential pleasure our indulgences offer is far more dramatic at a fraction of the cost.
Yes it’s true that consumers can get amazing deals on a hugh variety of furniture and other goods that are less expensive and more complicated than our machines. But what those products all have in common are HUGE volume production. Our machines are crafted in batches of 30 at a time (Classic) and 10 at a time (Tango) which just does not offer the sort of manufacturing economy of scale that would enable such low prices.
Sorry if I’ve gone on too long, just thought you and your clients deserved a thoughtful explanation. I hope I’ve answered your questions. Please let me know if not. Feel free to voice any questions, concerns or comments anytime.
Thanks,
Dan”
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