MODERN LOVESTYLES

The illustrious “threesome” fantasy  is one that many dream about, but most just don’t know where to begin.  In fact, 95% of the hundreds of people who have taken my open relationship seminar admit that they’ve had the fantasy of a threesome – yes, I know it’s not a random sample, but an indicator none-the-less.   While only 23% of Canadians have admitted to actually having a threesome according to the “2005 Durex Global Sex Survey”

This article will cover off the basic techniques for fulfilling your fantasy of a threesome (from a couple’s perspective).  To begin with, I’ve made the assumption that you and your partner have already discussed this fantasy and have agreed that you are both willing to fulfill it together (if you haven’t already had the open discussion, stay tuned for an upcoming article on “How to know if you’re ready for an open relationship”).  For starters, if you’re hoping to have a threesome simply because you’re not sexually satisfied in your current relationship, a threesome is NOT the answer.  It will only lead to heartache.  Bringing a third person into your fantasy play can be highly erotic, but it can also result in insecurities if not done right.

Step I: Communicate, Communicate, Communicate some more

Once you’ve both agreed that you’re turned on by the fantasy of a threesome and would like to move forward, remember to keep the lines of communication open at all times.   Start by defining very clear expectations.  For example, some couples have a no kissing rule or no penetration rule.  Others have a rule that threesomes must happen offsite (ie. not in their own home).  While others are uncomfortable with the fantasy partner staying the night.  Whatever rules you set, DO NOT break them.  But remember, rules can be refined over time so long as the lines of communication remain open.  In addition to having clearly defined rules, it will be critical that your partner feels like #1 and that they rock your world!  To help overcome fears and insecurities, you need to go above and beyond the call of duty.  Remind them every day how much they mean to you, how hot they are and how much you are turned on by them, and of course, never ever take them for granted.  And if this seems a little onerous, you’re right, it is, but it is by far the best investment you can make in your relationship when you’re considering bringing someone else in for fantasy play.   The final part of communication is non-verbal.  When you make a threesome connection, be sure to make regular eye contact with your partner during the moment of passion.  There’s nothing hotter than looking into your partners eyes wile he or she is being pleasured by another partner.  It will create an unbreakable intimate bond and you’ll feel as though your partner is thinking only of you.

Step II: Break the Ice

Whether you’re trying to pick up a female for an FFM threesome, or a male for an MMF threesome, “breaking the ice” is generally the toughest part of the pick up.  But when you’re a couple making a pick up, your wife is the best “wingman” you’ll ever have.  Here’s why…from the day you gentlemen were born, you learned everything you could about how to pick up chicks and “get in their pants”.  All the while he ladies were learning all the different ways to shut you down.  So when a lady in a club sees a guy walking towards her, she’s often already predisposed to turning you down.  But when she sees another lady heading towards her in the bar, she thinks nothing of it.    Now imagine the reaction when the wife heads on over to “break the ice” with your potential new fantasy partner.  She saunters over and starts a conversation that is as simple as this…”Oh, I love that top you’re wearing.  Where did you get it?…” and bam, before you know it, the door is open and the two ladies are chatting like old school mates.  As the conversation swells, the gentleman heads over and the wife makes the introduction into the conversation.  As the conversation progresses, you can always ask to buy her a drink, or to join you both on the dance floor.  Now that you’ve broken the ice, it’s up to you to use your charm, sex appeal and wit to get her to go home with you.

Now if you’re trying to pick up a guy for an MMF threesome, once again, we still recommend sending in the lady.  Gentlemen are used to having to take the lead in the pick up scene so when a lady approaches him confidently and picks him up, he tends to be much more open and you’ll likely be able to bring up the topic of a threesome more quickly than with a lady.  His biggest concern will be about being in the same room with another guy so depending on your preferences, be ready to stick handle those questions right up front.

Step III: It’s all in the Numbers

Most people are generally so afraid of getting rejected that they simply don’t ask and they miss out on the opportunity.  But honestly, what is the worst thing that can happen?  So they say no and look at you like you’re a complete pervert.  Does it really matter.  You’re not trying to find someone for a relationship.  You clearly already have a fantastic and secure relationship  because you’re out on the town with the person you love the most actually trying to pick up a threesome together…who knew.   So what do you really have to lose by asking the question?  And, the more people you ask, the greater your chances.  Ask 50 people in the bar and you’re bound to pique the interest of at least one of them.  Remember those stats above…23% of all Canadians have had a threesome so your chances are pretty good if you just keep asking.  In fact, why not have a little friendly competition with your partner…whoever does not make the pick up that night is required to lavish their partner with sexual favours the next day.  I guarantee that even if you don’t pick up a threesome, you’ll have so much fun on your sexy adventure that your night is sure to end with hot, passionate sex together.

An extra tip…If you want to be a little bit more discreet, create your own “flirt” cards.  Pick up blank business cards at your local supply store and print out your own sexy message like “threesomes are more fun” or “my husband and I think you’re sexy, can we buy you a drink?”.  Then, when you go out to the bar, leave the card on the table of a potential fantasy match while he/she’s up dancing, then stand back from afar and watch their reaction when they get back.  If the reaction is positive, then you’re in.

Step IV: Attend Lifestyle Clubs

Lifestyle or Swingers clubs offer a safe and discreet environment for couples looking for threesomes and other forms of multi-partner play.  Just be sure to do your homework on the club first and find out who they cater to.  For example, some clubs allow in “quality single males”.  If you’re looking for an MMF threesome, then you’re sure to find your match.  Other clubs only allow in couples and single females.  If you’re looking for an FFM threesome, then you’ll have to be extra charming as the competition is greater.  There are generally only a small number of single females who are in hot demand.  However, there is another option…you may be able to negotiate a threesome with another couple.   This means that the lady from the other couple joins you for a threesome and later on, you return the favour.

Step V: Show respect and appreciate for your fantasy partner

When the lady joins you and your partner for a night of passion, be respectful and appreciative.   If you enjoyed the evening, offer to take her for dinner and get to know her a little bit better or call/email the next day to follow up and make sure she’d doing ok.   The “afterglow” is just as important as the night of passion.  Treat her right, and you may just find yourselves with a regular fantasy play partner.