Tag Archives: sex adice

Looking to get a little kinky?

Posted on by Leave a comment

Then don’t miss “A weekend with Midori” presented by Sagacity in Victoria, the weekend of July 24 & 25, 2009.  Midori is an educator and columnist on adventurous sexuality, she’s also the author of “The Seductive Art of Japanese Bondage”, “Master Han’s Daughter” and “Wild Side Sex: The Book of Kink”. Midori travels the world presenting to universities, education events, organizations and media.

I’ve never had the pleasure of meeting Midori, but I am familiar with her work, and her reputation speaks for itself.

Posted on by Leave a comment

The past three months have been a whirlwind of activity.  Hubby and I have been absolutely buried working on the renovation of our new 8000 square foot events centre.    And now that I actually have a millisecond to breath, I wanted to take a moment to share a few points I learned along the way about surviving renovations in relationships…

  1. Everything you hear about couples and renovations is TRUE! (Now multiply that by one hundred and you just might have a sense of what it’s like to renovate 8000 square feet with your partner instead of just the kitchen or bathroom in your home.  (Let’s just say that Hubby and I spent a few months in renovation hell!!)
  2. No matter how strong your relationship is, there will be times that you will yell, throw things, cry, question your sanity, question your partner’s sanity and perhaps even consider throwing in the towel and just walking away. but you have to resist the urge and remember that when your partner yells at you in frustration (assuming it’s out of character), don’t take it personally. In fact, consider giving each other permission…and no, that’s not a typo. One of the smartest decisions we made during this project was to allow each other to yell, cry, scream and even throw a temper tantrum at each other as much as necessary during this project (kind of like a renovation hall pass). Now normally, I would not typically promote this type of behaviour, but extreme times call for extreme measures. And sometimes, you just need to throw the hoity toity “let’s all sit down over tea and talk nicely about how we feel” crap out the window. But, there is a catch. First you need to talk about the intensity of the current situation and ASK your partner permission. And secondly, you need to agree that once the project is over and the pressure is off, you’ll spend twice as much time reminding your partner of all the things you love and appreciate about them so they know the relationship is still rock solid!
  3. Things are so much easier when just one person leads. This doesn’t mean that one of you has to give up complete creative authority. It simply means that you should consider assigning ownership over specific tasks and decisions. Once critical tasks are assigned, do not step on toes. You must trust your partner to do the right thing, even if you know that sometimes they’ll do the wrong thing.
  4. Accept the fact that you will BOTH make mistakes and avoid continually pointing out your partner’s shortcomings as this will only make things worse. Your partner will appreciate it so much more if you simply show them love and support every step of the way. Honestly, does it really matter if they put the screw in the wrong hole. It can all be fixed so lighten up already.
  5. In the last three weeks before the soft opening, we barely had time to eat, sleep or even give each other a kiss in passing. We were bickering about everything. In all honesty, it was probably the most trying time in our relationship. But despite all that, we always found ways to pick each other up. Each time I hit a really low point I would tell Hubby and he would always dig deep to find the strength to pick me up and carry me for awhile. When Hubby was at his lowest point he let me know and I somehow managed to find the strength to carry him. The key was letting each other know when we hit rock bottom. Although working with your partner on a critical project poses some unique challenges, it also comes with the amazing benefit of having them right there by your side motivating you and cheering you on when you feel like you just can’t move forward any longer.

So, the moral of the story is that once again, communication prevails as the number one cure for relationship woes. If you’re under a lot of stress, ask your partner for permission to act in a way that is out of character for just a while to help you through the rough patches. But then remember when it’s all over, put in twice as much effort showering them with love and affection. In any loving relationship, your partner will understand and is there for you during the good times and the bad. Just one more way to make sure your relationship remains ROCK SOLID!

Is your Relationship “Suffering” from Spring Fever?

Posted on by Leave a comment

Ahhhh… Spring is in the air.  Your mood is lighter, there’s a little extra bounce in your step, and you find you’re just a little friskier than you were last month.
You’re easily distracted by visions of the attractive girl in the mini-dress or the buff guy in the muscle shirt.  You find yourself flirting with the server at your usual lunch time haunts and your mind drifts to thoughts of amorous liaisons and one night interludes.
How could this be?  Is there something in the water?  Have you suddenly fallen out of love or lust with your partner?    Could this be the beginning of the end?
Not at all.  You’ve simply caught a wee case of Spring Fever.
Since the dawn of time, Spring Fever has been affecting our amorous behavior every year right around this time.  It’s triggered by a number of factors that go far beyond just the shedding of winter woolies in favor of tankinis, shorts and mini-skirts.
Spring Fever is actually driven by a number of critical factors that affect our mood and trigger our “survival instinct”.  Everything you’re experiencing is a natural reaction to changes in temperature, light and conception cycles brought on by the onset of Spring.
Temperature
According to a study conducted by the University of Michigan, spending time in warm sunny weather can affect our mood, memory and cognitive style (openness to new information and creative thoughts).  “Being outside in pleasant weather really offers a way to re-set your mind-set,” said Matthew Keller, the U-M post-doctoral researcher who led the psychology study.  Temperature can have a noticeable impact on our mood.  The more time we spend outside in warm, sunny weather, the better our mood becomes.  The optimal temperature is 72 degrees.
This ties in with a study by Timothy Werschler and Shiva Halli of the University of Manitoba, on The Seasonal Birth Pattern in Canada which is characterized by a birth peak in April–May, and a trough in December–January.    Across Canada, our temperatures average 22 degrees celcius (72 degrees fahrenheit) throughout June, July and August which account for the birth peak April through May.
Light
The amount of natural light we’re exposed to actually impacts our energy levels.   In the winter, when the days are shorter, the body is exposed to less natural light and as a result, the Pineal Gland produces more Melatonin – a hormone that impacts the body’s energy level.  The more melatonin we produce, the more sluggish and lazy we feel.  In the Spring, as the days grow longer, more natural light is filtered through the retina which results in the production of less Melatonin.  So, more light equals less Melatonin and in turn more energy.  And with more energy, we’ll be more inclined to mate like bunnies in the Spring.   The earlier onset of morning light has also been linked to the lifting of winter depression (SADS).

Survival Instinct
And finally, our natural born instinct to survive through procreation kicks in during the Spring.  Historically speaking, we have been pre-programmed to conceive in the late Spring and early Summer so that we could give birth in early Spring when food is more abundant and the climate is more moderate, thereby giving our offspring the best chance of survival.  Although our survival is less dependant on the seasons today, it is possible that we are still reacting instinctively to the survival mechanisms of our ancestors.
So next time you find yourself feeling a little more flirty and prone to temptation from outside influences in the Spring, lose the guilt and just enjoy the feeling.  It’s a natural reaction to “Spring Fever”.
Conversely, if you happen to notice your partner ogling that hot chick in the mini-dress, or buff guy in the muscle shirt, don’t take it personally.  Instead, take advantage of the amorous mood and turn the temptation of a Spring fling into an evening of frisky fun with your partner.  It’s likely that they are “suffering” from the same affliction as you and may just surprise you with their enthusiasm.

Lubricant Lickeurs – Coconut Orange Flavor (Hathor Aphrodesisia)

Posted on by One comment

I’m not usually into ‘fruity flavoured’ lube so this was something relatively new for us.
The fruity smell is quite nice; not overpowering or fake smelling. It reminds me of suntan oil – very tropical.  Because of the smell it’s perfect for the planned romantic evening, but not so much for the discreet encounter.  The scent is a dead giveaway for the activity it is designed for.
I would say its middle of the road in terms of runniness…it’s not too much, and it’s not thick and gooey, which surprised me as many of the scented lubes I have used in the past were very sticky mainly due to the sugar used. This uses stevia for sweetness. Safe to safe it tastes nice as well.
Near the end of our session, we could’ve used a dab more, but overall it has good staying power. It didn’t leave me, or my partner feeling icky, sticky, and running for the shower.
One final note, I do like the ingredients – natural. I can read them, and pronounce them, and I know, more or less what they are. Horray for natural.
Overall, a nice lube that I would use again – for a special romantic evening.

3.5 out of  5
Review by The Goddess.

How to Swing: a couple’s guide to the swingers lifestyle

Posted on by 2 comments

If you’re considering the swinging lifestyle, are new to the concept of swinging, or are looking to improve your swinging relationship, read on.  This four part “how to” series will help to demystify swinging, answer common questions, provide you with the tools to safely navigate this complicated landscape, and identify ways to get started and meet other like minded play partners.

History of Swingers

There are a number of theories on how swinging started, however, the most common theory emerged in the 1950s whereby California military couples would gather at “key clubs” or “key parties”.  The men would throw their keys into a bowl and their wives would choose a sexual partner for the evening by randomly selecting a key from the bowl.   Eventually, the media caught wind of the activities and began writing stories about this new social phenomenon dubbed as “wife swapping”.  Over time, the phenomenon spread to the surrounding suburban communities and by the early 1970s, the term commonly known as “swinging” emerged.

Today’s Swingers

Today, swinging has evolved into what is now more loosely called “the Lifestyle”.  Although no exact count exists, The North American Swing Club Association (NASCA) claims there are organized swing clubs in almost all states as well as Canada, England, France, Germany, and Japan.

This new form of swinging encompasses a much broader range of play styles.  Although there’s no shortage of “full swap” couples, many couples are now entering “the lifestyle” to enjoy a lighter side of fantasy play with others that includes Voyeurism, Exhibitionism, Threesomes and Soft Swap but may never include full swap or “wife swapping” (visit our Sexipedia for detailed definitions).  Due to the insurgence of detailed information about this topic on the internet, “The Lifestyle” is growing in leaps and bounds.  There are conventions, resorts, clubs and websites dedicated to “the Lifestyle”.  There are mainstream television shows such as “Swingtowns” and “Big Love” dedicated to the lifestyle and other forms of open relationships. And in some countries, including Canada, swinging has been recognized as a legal activity at the highest judicial level.   With its increasing popularity and social acceptability, more and more Canadian couples are turning to this new form of swinging  as a way to “spice up” their sex lives.

Who are swingers?

According to the “General Social Survey”, Swingers tend to be middle class, white collar professional couples with above average education and income.   They are doctors, lawyers, nurses, teachers, mid to upper level managers, entrepreneurs and office workers.  when it comes to attitudes about sex and marriage they are less racist, less sexist, and less heterosexist than the general population. Swinging appears to make the vast majority of swingers’ marriages happier, and swingers rate the happiness of their marriages and life satisfaction generally as higher than the non-swinging population.”

Swingers could be your business associates, your friends, your neighbours…they may even be you!

Facts about Swingers