Tag Archives: sexy humour

Sexercise? Fat Chance!

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Well, the holidays are over, the New Year is upon us, and once again, I’m left with five extra pounds of buttertarts and shortbread cookies to work off my *ss.

This week, I’m scheduled to return to Bootcamp, but after a three week hiatus over the holidays, I’m looking forward to that 5am buzzer about as much as electroshock therapy.

So, in one last ditch effort to find a loophole before the alarm goes off, I just have to know if perhaps there is a chance to lose the holiday pounds by combining one of my favorite things, Sex, with my life long nemesis, Exercise!

With any luck, I can skip the blood, sweat and tears of my proven exercise regime – Bootcamp with a good old fashioned roll in the hay (less the “old fashioned” stuff, of course).

Turns out, Sexercise as it’s dubbed, comes with its share of the good, the bad and the ugly!

Take this Sexercise video for example – .  Definitely the “uglier” side of Sexercise.  It’s like watching a bad 70s porn combined with a “Jane Fonda workout video”.  It’s one train wreck that I just can’t tear myself away from.   I sure hope “Sexercise” gets better than this…

Ask and you shall receive…the 70s porn workout video is quickly counterbalanced with what could be a great article suggesting that I can lose up to 300 calories per hour through Sexercise.  Unfortunately, it seems to lack substance and any relevant sources, but at least I get to enjoy this much sexier, modern day Sexercise video.  I can only hope that I burn a few calories while bouncing in my chair to the video tunes.

And…more bad news I’m afraid…  My search for “sexercise” videos takes a turn for the worst when I stumble upon this new “Wiifit” sexercise video
followed by Tom Green’s “Senior Citizen’s Sexercise” Video.  Yes, I really did say Tom Green and apparently his mother is just as mortified as I am (albeit for different reasons).

Ok, time to find a more reliable source to support my loophole…

According to “Julie Peasgood”, I can burn up to 7500 calories/year just by having sex three times/week.  And, I can burn 150 calories/hour engaging in heavy kissing.

And to help me with my workouts, I can add in this handy toy the “Sexercise Me Sexercise Ball” – the first exercise ball where I can actually screw in a vibrator and “get on” while I “get off”.  Talk about killing two birds with one stone.  I definitely have to get me one of these.

And, according to “Fitnessmagazine.com”, I can strengthen my quads, hamstrings and abs while having sex.

Kerry McCloskey, author of “The Ultimate Sex Diet” says she lost 23 lbs in six months.  So if she can do it, I can do it right?

Haaaa…that 5am alarm clock is getting further away!

Until…noooooo….say it isn’t so…the number I’ve been searching for.  According to Calorie Lab’s very official sounding “Calorie’s burned during sex” study, I’m only burning about 34 calories/hour.  And that’s during VIGOROUS sex.   That’s nowhere near enough to replace the grueling burn I get during 1 hour of Bootcamp which is closer to around 500-600 calories.  Check it out for yourself…enter in your weight to find out how many calories you’re burning during sex.  Perhaps you’ll have better luck than me.

Well, so much for replacing Bootcamp with sex.  But it turns out that sex does have a lot of other great, healthful benefits.  Be sure to check out these last two sources for a bit of inspiration.

Sexercise…the hard facts

Top 10 reasons to have sex tonight

I guess I’m just going to have to do both!  Sweet Dreams!

Sexy Thanksgiving Day Humour

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Came across this on the net and thought I would share a little thanksgiving day humour…Enjoy!

I saw you across a crowded room. Among all the others that were there, The lights seemed to shine down on you alone. I knew then I had to have you for my own. Willingly, you came with me to my home. From the car, I carried you & threw open the door. Looking at you, I admire your body, your well shaped legs, and breasts. Slowly I remove what wraps, around your body so tightly, fitting you like a glove. Exposing your tender white skin. From your neck I remove your charms, and carry you off in my arms, to the warm water that awaits. The water cascades down your neck, flowing over your soft breasts then, making your legs glisten with wetness. Droplets of water cover your taut skin. My hands rub your body, ummmm running them through the beads of water. Making them trickle down off your body. I place my fingers inside you. You are warm and moist, so ready. I carry your still dripping body, to a laying place, so that I can put inside you what was well prepared to enter you before we even came through the door. As soon as I lay you down your legs spread open wide. You are ready now and so am I. I put a little in slowly at first, getting a feel for how much you can take in. I put in more, you take it willingly. In anticipation, faster and faster I put it in, pushing it in deeply as far as I can, until I can’t put any more in, you are so tight. With your legs wrapped tightly, not wanting to release any of it, I make you so hot for a very long time, until your sweet juices escape from within. Then I taste you, with my tongue at first, your skin is so soft and tender. I taste more of you with my mouth, you are so hot and moist, you taste so good. Your juices coating my mouth, making me drool in anticipation of eating you more, with every taste. “Oh yes”, I say to you, I must say Grace “Thank God for Butterball turkey…. Amen”